Diary Entry – May 22, 2025

Today, we went to NKTI to meet Dr. Simangan, the vascular surgeon referred by my cousin Imelda. We inquired about the possibility of having a fistula. Another step, another consultation, another layer of this never-ending journey.

After that, we made our way to Metropolitan Medical Clinic in Tondo to see Dra. Tan, my nephrologist. Just yesterday, it was Dr. Dy, my urologist. Three different doctors, from three different hospitals in Manila in two days.

This life feels like a carousel that never stops—tiring, depressing, and unbearably expensive. I try to keep my head up, but sometimes the weight of it all crushes me. I can’t help but think about that day—March 7—the day everything changed. Sometimes, in the stillness of the night, I wonder if it would’ve been kinder, to me and to my family, if I didn’t make it past that emergency.

We’ve spent so much—money, time, tears. The sacrifices, the emotional toll, the uncertainty. I see it in their eyes, hear it in the silence, feel it in the air. I am grateful, but also burdened.

I don’t say this out loud often, but today it needed to be written down: I am tired. And I am sorry.